1 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,610 Titus, what are we doing here? 2 00:00:08,725 --> 00:00:10,421 This place is way too fancy. 3 00:00:10,561 --> 00:00:12,029 Look at how tiny the cups are. 4 00:00:12,162 --> 00:00:14,162 Kimmillionaire, you said you wanted to do something 5 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,098 fun and New York-y before your boss got back into town. 6 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,862 Well, since The Queen Latifah Show 7 00:00:19,002 --> 00:00:21,335 has a lifetime audience ban on me, we're doing this. 8 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,963 But it's so expensive. 9 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:27,567 A "noise-etty ma-shee-at-o" is 12 "doe-lairz"? 10 00:00:27,711 --> 00:00:29,043 It's not about the money. 11 00:00:29,179 --> 00:00:31,558 If I've learned anything from living in this city, it's this: 12 00:00:31,582 --> 00:00:33,393 act like you belong, and the world is your oyster. 13 00:00:33,417 --> 00:00:34,510 Aw, gross. 14 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,280 Can't the world be my noodles and butter? 15 00:00:36,420 --> 00:00:37,513 They're on their way over. 16 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,816 Just follow my lead. 17 00:00:43,694 --> 00:00:44,787 Hello? 18 00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:51,660 I'm sorry. 19 00:00:51,768 --> 00:00:54,135 The tables are for paying customers only, so... 20 00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:57,434 Lumiere. Belle. 21 00:00:57,574 --> 00:00:59,085 Frère Jacques, frère Jacques, dormez-vous? 22 00:00:59,109 --> 00:01:00,771 - Gaston. - I'm so sorry. 23 00:01:00,911 --> 00:01:02,038 Take all the time you need. 24 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,307 Sir, madam. 25 00:01:05,749 --> 00:01:07,741 Ooh, "madam." 26 00:01:07,884 --> 00:01:09,352 You stay here. 27 00:01:09,453 --> 00:01:11,922 I'm gonna fill this up with fancy liquid soap. 28 00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:19,558 Beyoncé. 29 00:01:31,642 --> 00:01:32,769 ♪ Unbreakable ♪ 30 00:01:32,909 --> 00:01:34,275 ♪ They alive, damn it ♪ 31 00:01:34,411 --> 00:01:35,902 ♪ It's a miracle ♪ 32 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,174 ♪ Unbreakable ♪ 33 00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:38,338 ♪ They alive, damn it ♪ 34 00:01:38,482 --> 00:01:40,417 ♪ But females are strong as hell ♪ 35 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,517 ♪ Unbreakable ♪ 36 00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:42,813 ♪ They alive, damn it ♪ 37 00:01:42,953 --> 00:01:44,546 ♪ It's a miracle ♪ 38 00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:45,953 ♪ Unbreakable ♪ 39 00:01:46,089 --> 00:01:47,113 ♪ They alive, damn it ♪ 40 00:01:47,257 --> 00:01:48,555 That's gonna be, uh... 41 00:01:48,659 --> 00:01:51,493 you know, a fascinating transition. 42 00:01:51,628 --> 00:01:54,173 ♪ Damn it ♪ 43 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,962 Put Walt Disney's head on the phone. 44 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,762 Then wake it up. 45 00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,861 Julian Rommel Voorhees. 46 00:02:01,004 --> 00:02:02,097 Jacqueline. 47 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,405 What are you doing in Beijing? 48 00:02:03,507 --> 00:02:05,032 I've been here for two weeks 49 00:02:05,175 --> 00:02:07,303 waiting for you to get back from 50 00:02:07,444 --> 00:02:08,484 wherever you got that tan. 51 00:02:08,612 --> 00:02:09,773 My tan? 52 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,315 I was out on an investor's boat doing some whale dynamiting. 53 00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:15,248 Did you fly 7,000 miles just to accost me? 54 00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:16,718 Hey. Eyes up here. 55 00:02:16,853 --> 00:02:18,321 You don't get these feet. 56 00:02:18,455 --> 00:02:19,821 You're withholding the twins? 57 00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:22,926 Feet are for good boys, not for liars and cheaters. 58 00:02:23,026 --> 00:02:24,961 Oh, for God's sake. 59 00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,428 Is that what this is about? 60 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,929 You think I'm having an affair? 61 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,065 You've done it before. 62 00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:30,199 With you. 63 00:02:30,334 --> 00:02:31,334 And that was different. 64 00:02:31,468 --> 00:02:32,468 My first wife... 65 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,901 Turned 50. I know. 66 00:02:34,037 --> 00:02:35,801 And I would never do that to you. 67 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,216 So what's the problem, Jacqueline? 68 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,240 What's the problem? 69 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:40,469 You haven't been home in months. 70 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,570 I had to Photoshop you into this year's Christmas card. 71 00:02:44,648 --> 00:02:46,674 Well, I'm heading back to New York now, 72 00:02:46,817 --> 00:02:48,615 but I apologize for working so hard. 73 00:02:48,719 --> 00:02:50,153 I guess I could make less money. 74 00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:52,883 You leave the money out of this. 75 00:02:53,023 --> 00:02:54,514 It's not the money's fault. 76 00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:57,253 And whom exactly am I supposed to be having this affair with? 77 00:02:57,361 --> 00:03:00,627 Am I sleeping with my assistant, Fat Rhonda? 78 00:03:00,731 --> 00:03:02,563 Of course not. 79 00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:04,861 Hey, I get mine. 80 00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:07,197 It's all about that bass. 81 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:10,904 You know what Dr. Goodman would say to you right now? 82 00:03:11,041 --> 00:03:12,703 That I need to talk to the Shame Puppet. 83 00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:15,438 And what would the Shame Puppet say? 84 00:03:15,545 --> 00:03:17,185 You're just being paranoid. 85 00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:21,746 Walt, how you doing? 86 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:26,219 Hey, Kimmy. 1996 called. 87 00:03:26,356 --> 00:03:27,722 It wants its clothes back. 88 00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,190 Hey, Xan. 2090 called. 89 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,132 You're dead, and you wasted your time on Earth. 90 00:03:32,262 --> 00:03:34,060 Dad, you're back. 91 00:03:34,197 --> 00:03:36,063 Did Grandma die? Can I have her jewelry? 92 00:03:36,199 --> 00:03:38,361 No, Grootmoeder is fine. Now, come here. 93 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,061 You're not too big to give your father 94 00:03:40,203 --> 00:03:41,899 a firm, business-like handshake. 95 00:03:42,038 --> 00:03:43,038 You're looking well. 96 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:44,233 Always a pleasure. 97 00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:45,467 Kimmy, the elevator. 98 00:03:45,575 --> 00:03:47,544 Jacqueline, the refrigerator. 99 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,112 What are we doing? 100 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,613 Do you think I'm paranoid? 101 00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:55,912 No, Vera does say stuff about you behind your back. 102 00:03:56,052 --> 00:03:58,214 Sometimes she does this thing where she's all... 103 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,085 "Where's my husband?" 104 00:04:00,223 --> 00:04:01,657 No, I'm talking about Julian. 105 00:04:01,758 --> 00:04:04,125 Oh, right. What happened in China? 106 00:04:04,261 --> 00:04:05,471 Was everything upside-down there? 107 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:06,495 Nothing happened. 108 00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:08,121 He just denied everything. 109 00:04:08,265 --> 00:04:10,063 I might as well have been Congress. 110 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,136 Maybe I am crazy. 111 00:04:12,269 --> 00:04:14,113 No, Mrs. Voorhees, you have to listen to your gut. 112 00:04:14,137 --> 00:04:15,281 I don't have a gut, you mother... 113 00:04:15,305 --> 00:04:17,171 No, no, I mean your women's intuition. 114 00:04:17,307 --> 00:04:18,798 You know that something's wrong. 115 00:04:18,942 --> 00:04:21,275 If he's not gonna admit that he's having an affair... 116 00:04:21,411 --> 00:04:23,209 I'll have to catch him red-handed. 117 00:04:23,313 --> 00:04:24,457 His hands will be red 'cause... 118 00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:25,608 That's okay. No, thank you. 119 00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:31,247 My grandmother's birthday, January 2, 1934. 120 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,823 One-two-three-four. 121 00:04:33,957 --> 00:04:35,220 Great PIN, Titus. 122 00:04:35,325 --> 00:04:36,793 Check balance. 123 00:04:37,961 --> 00:04:39,623 Hmm. 124 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,928 Other amount. 125 00:04:59,015 --> 00:05:01,041 Accept. 126 00:05:05,355 --> 00:05:06,355 Negative $1? 127 00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:07,822 Damn it. 128 00:05:12,162 --> 00:05:13,926 Julian took a call in his office. 129 00:05:14,030 --> 00:05:15,965 I heard him laughing through the door. 130 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,058 I just wish I knew who he was talking to. 131 00:05:18,201 --> 00:05:19,362 Maybe Gallagher? 132 00:05:19,503 --> 00:05:21,180 Obviously listening in on my husband's phone calls 133 00:05:21,204 --> 00:05:23,867 would be crazy, which is why I'm not going to do it. 134 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:31,446 Okay, he's either talking to a very fancy child, 135 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,948 a man with a high-pitched voice, or a normal woman. 136 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,383 Yuko, you can't keep me waiting that long. 137 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,887 You want to see Yuko tonight? 138 00:05:39,022 --> 00:05:40,615 But where can we meet? The office? 139 00:05:40,724 --> 00:05:41,748 No, no, no, no. 140 00:05:41,892 --> 00:05:43,012 I want to do it at my house. 141 00:05:43,059 --> 00:05:45,528 I'll host a dinner party as a cover, and then afterwards, 142 00:05:45,662 --> 00:05:47,597 Yuko can put on a little show for me. 143 00:05:47,697 --> 00:05:49,063 I have been working on 144 00:05:49,199 --> 00:05:50,690 some new tricks since Tokyo. 145 00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:53,804 I think Yuko might be Italian. 146 00:05:53,904 --> 00:05:55,998 Goodbye, Voorhees-san. 147 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,735 What are you doing? You have proof now. 148 00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:01,053 Get up there and give him heck for fudge's sake, gosh dang it! 149 00:06:01,077 --> 00:06:02,077 Proof? 150 00:06:02,212 --> 00:06:03,407 I don't have anything, Kimmy, 151 00:06:03,547 --> 00:06:05,812 except her name and where I can catch them together... 152 00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:07,680 Tonight at our dinner party. 153 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,377 Mister-murdey. 154 00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:11,988 Murdery-pard... murd-murder mystery party. 155 00:06:12,088 --> 00:06:14,387 I'll invite Julian's colleagues, 156 00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:15,856 all of our very best friends. 157 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,393 I'll be the perfect hostess, 158 00:06:17,527 --> 00:06:19,005 right until to the moment I humiliate him 159 00:06:19,029 --> 00:06:20,029 in front of everyone. 160 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,996 Oh, snap, boy-ee! 161 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,132 Yo! MTVRaps. 162 00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:24,306 "Coming up this half hour, 163 00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:25,545 a new video from Naughty by Nature, 164 00:06:25,569 --> 00:06:27,409 but first, this bumpin' jam by Wreckx-n-Effect. 165 00:06:27,537 --> 00:06:29,233 I'm Bill Bellamy. Peace!" 166 00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:30,692 Call the caterers and the florist. 167 00:06:30,774 --> 00:06:32,402 Arrange for music during cocktails. 168 00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:34,387 Then go home and find something special to wear for tonight. 169 00:06:34,411 --> 00:06:36,451 Special like that T-shirt I got at the mall opening? 170 00:06:36,546 --> 00:06:38,014 They shot it out of a cannon. 171 00:06:38,114 --> 00:06:40,259 And before dinner, I need you to go to the drugstore... 172 00:06:40,283 --> 00:06:42,548 and buy some talcum powder. 173 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,120 For what? 174 00:06:44,254 --> 00:06:46,246 Is talcum powder part of your plan? 175 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:49,584 I'm sorry, what? 176 00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:51,592 Oh, yes, it is. 177 00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:54,698 It sure is. 178 00:06:57,801 --> 00:07:00,771 Titus, do you know any old white people songs? 179 00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:02,873 Girl, I'm from Mississippi. 180 00:07:02,973 --> 00:07:05,067 When the Confederate flag is part of the state flag, 181 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,666 you learn Caucasian culture. 182 00:07:06,810 --> 00:07:09,075 I also know a lot about golf and World War Il. 183 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,772 Well, I'm in charge of planning a party 184 00:07:10,914 --> 00:07:11,914 for Jacqueline tonight, 185 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:15,611 which means I get to hire the musical entertainment. 186 00:07:15,752 --> 00:07:16,913 You want me to sing? 187 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,353 - For money? - Yep. 188 00:07:19,489 --> 00:07:21,958 Kimmy, I have sung for alcohol and for pizza 189 00:07:22,092 --> 00:07:23,669 and, more than once, to get my shoes back, 190 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,561 but I've never sung for money before. 191 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,289 I bet I can still fit into my tuxedo 192 00:07:28,431 --> 00:07:30,457 from my weddin... dong, ding-dong, 193 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,262 Bells are fun to listen to. 194 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,369 They sure are. 195 00:07:33,503 --> 00:07:35,768 But what am I gonna wear? 196 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,841 This party is super fancy. 197 00:07:37,974 --> 00:07:40,466 And these pants we found stuffed in the mailbox 198 00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,101 say "fancy" on the butt! 199 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,374 I knew this day would come. 200 00:07:44,514 --> 00:07:45,812 I must make you over. 201 00:07:45,949 --> 00:07:48,544 It is the pact between my kind and yours, 202 00:07:48,652 --> 00:07:52,748 and in exchange, you buy us brunch sometimes. 203 00:08:28,892 --> 00:08:31,020 You will be buying me brunch. 204 00:08:31,161 --> 00:08:33,096 I feel like Cinderella. 205 00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:36,458 And the birds and mice are helping! 206 00:08:41,905 --> 00:08:42,998 What are you doing here? 207 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,701 Actually, Mrs. Voorhees invited me to the party. 208 00:08:45,842 --> 00:08:47,310 She didn't invite you. 209 00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:48,935 You work for us. 210 00:08:49,079 --> 00:08:51,571 So don't act like you belong here. 211 00:08:51,715 --> 00:08:52,842 Uh, Xan says what? 212 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,247 What? 213 00:08:54,384 --> 00:08:55,682 Thought so. 214 00:08:59,556 --> 00:09:00,649 Okay. 215 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,749 Oh, good, you're here. Shut the doors. 216 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,453 Kimmy, you'll notice I've seated Julian 217 00:09:07,597 --> 00:09:09,225 directly across from Yuko. 218 00:09:09,365 --> 00:09:12,733 And have I mentioned to you my husband's fondness for feet 219 00:09:12,869 --> 00:09:13,869 and how he likes to... 220 00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:25,781 gasm. 221 00:09:25,915 --> 00:09:27,281 With Yuko right across from him, 222 00:09:27,417 --> 00:09:30,512 Julian won't be able to resist a little toe play, 223 00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:32,714 and that's where the talcum powder comes in. 224 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,791 When we all sit down for dinner, 225 00:09:34,924 --> 00:09:37,894 they'll have no idea the powder is even there 226 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,259 when they go to town on each other. 227 00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:41,974 And then after dinner, when they stand up 228 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,591 in front of everyone... 229 00:09:56,112 --> 00:09:58,604 Mrs. Voorhees, you did it! 230 00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:02,381 I won't even have to say a word. 231 00:10:02,485 --> 00:10:04,010 What was that about my hair? 232 00:10:04,154 --> 00:10:05,798 Now be a dear and get me a glass of champagne. 233 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:06,822 I need to look casual. 234 00:10:06,956 --> 00:10:08,584 Jeez, I feel like I'm on Bravo. 235 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,455 That channel still shows operas, right? 236 00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:14,591 Why... me... 237 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:18,498 Well, look at you, all fancy. 238 00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:21,104 Sir, would you bring my car around? 239 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,564 I don't think I can do this, Kimmy. 240 00:10:22,605 --> 00:10:23,629 This is a real gig. 241 00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:24,984 I don't have training like these guys. 242 00:10:25,008 --> 00:10:26,118 And who's gonna come to this party? 243 00:10:26,142 --> 00:10:27,142 Fancy Manhattanoes? 244 00:10:27,277 --> 00:10:28,354 They're gonna realize that my cummerbund 245 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,488 is just a piece of automobile tire. 246 00:10:29,512 --> 00:10:30,512 Titus. 247 00:10:30,647 --> 00:10:32,047 What did you say to me this morning? 248 00:10:32,148 --> 00:10:33,425 If you want to get by in this city, 249 00:10:33,449 --> 00:10:35,475 you just have to act like you belong, right? 250 00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:38,053 That is how I was briefly Gordon on Sesame Street. 251 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,157 Okay. 252 00:10:42,325 --> 00:10:44,123 Champagne please. No ice. 253 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,321 Well, did it again. 254 00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:47,828 Early to one of these things 255 00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:50,627 'cause I keep my watch set to Bermuda time. 256 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:51,733 What's your excuse? 257 00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,461 Oh, no, actually, I... 258 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,868 Your champagne, madam. 259 00:10:59,008 --> 00:11:02,809 Actually, my assistant put the wrong time in my PalmPilot. 260 00:11:04,047 --> 00:11:05,743 I'm Logan, by the way. 261 00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:06,882 As am I. 262 00:11:07,016 --> 00:11:08,348 Kimberly. Charmed. 263 00:11:08,484 --> 00:11:10,180 Charmed. 264 00:11:13,223 --> 00:11:15,192 ♪ We're all alone ♪ 265 00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:21,196 ♪ No chaperone can get our number ♪ 266 00:11:21,331 --> 00:11:22,959 Julian, welcome back. 267 00:11:23,066 --> 00:11:24,659 You look dark enough to be president. 268 00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:25,767 Oh, Ashton. 269 00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:27,996 You are a delight. 270 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:31,233 So did you two enjoy Hale Moekolohe? 271 00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:32,672 The resort in Maui? 272 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,903 - We didn't... - The pen. 273 00:11:35,044 --> 00:11:37,411 Last time I saw one of those was in an X-ray. 274 00:11:37,547 --> 00:11:39,675 Well, it was, um... 275 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:42,809 It was supposed to be a surprise, dear, but, yeah, 276 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,921 I was there a couple of weeks ago to check it out. 277 00:11:45,054 --> 00:11:47,182 I was thinking about renting out the whole place 278 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,656 for our anniversary. 279 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,391 Me and my big, surgically enlarged mouth. 280 00:11:50,526 --> 00:11:51,653 Oh, Julian. 281 00:11:51,761 --> 00:11:53,423 I don't deserve you. 282 00:11:53,563 --> 00:11:55,657 I just remembered, Ashton, you only eat fish heads. 283 00:11:55,765 --> 00:11:57,700 I should go tell the chef. 284 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:02,336 Kimmy, I'm adding a seat for you at the table. 285 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:03,804 After Julian and Yuko are exposed, 286 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,806 I need someone to say "With her? 287 00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:06,942 Over Jacqueline?" 288 00:12:07,076 --> 00:12:08,704 Okay, got it. 289 00:12:10,747 --> 00:12:12,511 - Julian? - Ah, konnichiwa. 290 00:12:12,615 --> 00:12:13,708 Konnichiwa. 291 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,307 Okay, that line may change. 292 00:12:15,451 --> 00:12:17,716 - Thank you for inviting me. - Of course. This is Ashton. 293 00:12:19,789 --> 00:12:21,917 Ooh. Thirsty, are we? 294 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:31,260 ♪ Let's misbehave ♪ 295 00:12:34,570 --> 00:12:36,266 So how's Broadway treating you? 296 00:12:36,406 --> 00:12:38,898 Oh, standing Os every night. 297 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,772 Because of my back. 298 00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:42,173 But to answer your question, 299 00:12:42,278 --> 00:12:44,474 we're packing them in, and the reviews have been kind. 300 00:12:44,614 --> 00:12:46,549 ♪ Let it go ♪ 301 00:12:46,649 --> 00:12:48,117 ♪ Let it go ♪ 302 00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:51,449 ♪ Can't hold back anymore ♪ 303 00:12:52,789 --> 00:12:55,315 Mm, love your perfume. What is that? 304 00:12:55,458 --> 00:12:58,428 Oh, It's Italian. 305 00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:05,362 Would you excuse me, Logan? 306 00:13:05,501 --> 00:13:07,367 I have to use the filth bucket... 307 00:13:07,503 --> 00:13:08,503 The powder room. 308 00:13:08,638 --> 00:13:09,638 Of course, yeah. 309 00:13:13,476 --> 00:13:15,968 Titus, I'm Cinderella-ing. 310 00:13:16,112 --> 00:13:19,105 And I'm A-Star-Is-Born s-ing. 311 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,979 There's a Broadway producer here. 312 00:13:21,117 --> 00:13:22,597 I always thought my big break would be 313 00:13:22,652 --> 00:13:24,163 from pushing Ben Vereen down a flight of stairs, 314 00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:25,450 but this is even better. 315 00:13:28,524 --> 00:13:29,685 Gelula! 316 00:13:29,826 --> 00:13:31,795 I've been watching you, Kimmy. 317 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,055 I know. 318 00:13:33,196 --> 00:13:34,640 That's why I picked my nose earlier... 319 00:13:34,664 --> 00:13:35,664 To gross you out. 320 00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:36,798 Yeah, burnt. 321 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,339 I know what you're trying to do here. 322 00:13:38,368 --> 00:13:40,360 Wearing clothes you clearly can't afford, 323 00:13:40,503 --> 00:13:42,199 scamming your way into this party, 324 00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:44,364 flirting with Logan Beekman? 325 00:13:44,507 --> 00:13:46,442 I haven't even started to flirt, Xan. 326 00:13:46,542 --> 00:13:48,387 Just wait till a little fellow called Mr. Tongue 327 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,709 comes out to play. 328 00:13:49,846 --> 00:13:52,714 You think I'm gonna let you use my family 329 00:13:52,849 --> 00:13:55,045 to live out some little gold digger fairy tale? 330 00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:56,345 Wait, what? 331 00:13:56,486 --> 00:13:57,579 I'm just having fun. 332 00:13:57,687 --> 00:13:59,952 People like me and Logan Beekman, 333 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:03,754 we see right through people like you. 334 00:14:03,893 --> 00:14:05,828 Enjoy your fun while you can, 335 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,454 'cause it's gonna end, I promise. 336 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:09,598 Hey, Xan? 337 00:14:09,732 --> 00:14:10,825 What? 338 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:11,957 Jinx! 339 00:14:19,575 --> 00:14:21,339 I would like to propose a toast... 340 00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:22,776 Stand up. 341 00:14:22,912 --> 00:14:23,912 Okay. 342 00:14:24,047 --> 00:14:30,977 ♪ Ah, ridi, Pagliaccio ♪ 343 00:14:32,755 --> 00:14:39,423 ♪ Sul tuo amore infranto ♪ 344 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:48,469 ♪ Ridi del duol ♪ 345 00:14:48,604 --> 00:14:53,633 ♪ Che t'avvelena ♪ 346 00:14:53,776 --> 00:14:54,920 Well, first, I would like to 347 00:14:54,944 --> 00:14:56,088 thank you everybody for coming tonight... 348 00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,112 It's not possible. 349 00:14:57,246 --> 00:14:59,442 But I have a confession to make. 350 00:14:59,582 --> 00:15:02,279 This dinner party was actually a bit of a ruse 351 00:15:02,418 --> 00:15:03,618 to get you all here tonight... 352 00:15:03,753 --> 00:15:06,086 With her? Over Jacqueline? 353 00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:09,749 As, uh, as many of you know, 354 00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:12,919 my company, Rapier Private Equity, 355 00:15:13,062 --> 00:15:16,430 is teaming up with the brilliant Isaye Watanabe 356 00:15:16,566 --> 00:15:18,558 to bring a technology to the market 357 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,603 that will change the face of health care, 358 00:15:20,736 --> 00:15:24,264 the service industry, and one day, I truly believe, 359 00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:25,500 prostitution. 360 00:15:25,608 --> 00:15:27,440 Ladies and gentlemen, raise a glass 361 00:15:27,577 --> 00:15:29,443 to YUKO 3000. 362 00:15:29,579 --> 00:15:32,845 Hello, my new friends. 363 00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:34,747 My name is YUKO. 364 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,046 I can dance for you. 365 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,516 Your place card says "Yuko." 366 00:15:39,655 --> 00:15:40,766 Why didn't you say anything? 367 00:15:40,790 --> 00:15:42,986 Because your husband told me you are crazy. 368 00:15:49,665 --> 00:15:51,759 I love all of you. 369 00:15:54,604 --> 00:15:57,870 And then the man says, "Hello, ladies." 370 00:16:03,946 --> 00:16:05,312 So, good news, right? 371 00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:06,609 It's just a robot. 372 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:09,049 Yes. Just a robot. 373 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,517 Origami. 374 00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:12,781 Aw, look at that. 375 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:13,889 Look at that. 376 00:16:15,324 --> 00:16:16,324 A Scotch, neat, for Mr... 377 00:16:16,459 --> 00:16:19,429 A Scotch, neat, for Mr. Voorhees. 378 00:16:19,529 --> 00:16:21,521 Well, thank you, YUKO. 379 00:16:21,664 --> 00:16:24,429 Tell me, by any chance, are you single? 380 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,275 Just a robot. 381 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,403 That's what's been keeping my husband away from me, 382 00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:31,805 destroying my marriage, driving me insane. 383 00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:42,512 ♪ Birds do it ♪ 384 00:16:42,652 --> 00:16:44,120 ♪ Bees do it ♪ 385 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:47,657 ♪ Even educated fleas do it ♪ 386 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,089 ♪ Let's do it ♪ 387 00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,387 ♪ Let's fall in love ♪ 388 00:16:51,527 --> 00:16:53,860 YUKO is wonderful. 389 00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:57,262 Why do robots keep getting in the way of my dreams? 390 00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:59,528 ♪ Even Japanese robots do it ♪ 391 00:16:59,669 --> 00:17:01,604 ♪ I'm YUKO ♪ 392 00:17:01,704 --> 00:17:03,696 ♪ Let's fall in love ♪ 393 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:05,935 Hey, there you are. 394 00:17:06,075 --> 00:17:09,102 Just coming down the stairs, 395 00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:12,272 as one does when descending is on the menu. 396 00:17:12,415 --> 00:17:14,213 Look, my friends and I renovated 397 00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:17,013 this 1950s sludge tank in Brooklyn, 398 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,418 turned it into a pretty cool grappa lounge. 399 00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:20,835 Do you want to swing by with me? 400 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,489 Oh, I'm sorry. I can't. 401 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,722 Come on. This party's dead. 402 00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:28,863 Come with me. 403 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,456 She can't, Logan. 404 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:31,863 'Cause she works here. 405 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,231 She's like our slave. 406 00:17:33,369 --> 00:17:34,632 Hey, I'm Xan? 407 00:17:34,737 --> 00:17:36,949 We rode in a golf cart at the Maidstone when I was, like, eight? 408 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:37,973 You let me steer? 409 00:17:38,107 --> 00:17:39,107 I'm... I'm Xan? 410 00:17:39,242 --> 00:17:40,767 Sorry. 411 00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:41,934 You work here? 412 00:17:43,079 --> 00:17:44,959 So your grandfather didn't invent the limousine. 413 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,555 And I'm guessing your last name 414 00:17:47,617 --> 00:17:49,984 actually isn't Von Lobster. 415 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:51,951 Oh, my God, Logan. 416 00:17:52,088 --> 00:17:53,613 Did you think she was a guest? 417 00:17:53,756 --> 00:17:55,588 That's so funny. 418 00:17:55,725 --> 00:17:57,591 Unbelievable. 419 00:17:57,727 --> 00:18:00,094 Well, guess I should've known better. 420 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:05,127 I should get back to work. 421 00:18:05,268 --> 00:18:07,032 Xanthippe. 422 00:18:07,136 --> 00:18:09,128 Mr. Beeker. 423 00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:21,012 I'm, like, a sophomore now. 424 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,546 Hello, Mrs. Voorhees. 425 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,956 You look very 43.75 years old. 426 00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:33,892 Mr. Voorhees requested a late-night snack. 427 00:18:33,996 --> 00:18:34,996 And he asked you? 428 00:18:35,131 --> 00:18:37,123 Why wouldn't he ask his wife to go wake up Vera? 429 00:18:37,266 --> 00:18:39,735 Activating shrug mode. 430 00:18:39,835 --> 00:18:41,326 I was like you once. 431 00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:43,632 You were built by children? 432 00:18:43,773 --> 00:18:47,039 I was shiny and pretty and new. 433 00:18:47,143 --> 00:18:48,475 I made Julian laugh, 434 00:18:48,611 --> 00:18:50,307 and he showed me off to all of his friends 435 00:18:50,446 --> 00:18:52,472 and spent all of his time with me. 436 00:18:52,615 --> 00:18:53,913 So take a good look, 437 00:18:54,016 --> 00:18:55,678 'cause this is your future... 438 00:18:55,818 --> 00:18:57,309 Drinking cayenne weight loss water 439 00:18:57,453 --> 00:18:59,479 while someone else cooks for your husband. 440 00:18:59,622 --> 00:19:00,622 I am sorry. 441 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,283 Would you like to cook for Mr. Voorhees? 442 00:19:02,325 --> 00:19:04,089 Although I am now accessing 443 00:19:04,193 --> 00:19:06,685 a 2005 Hamptons Magazine article 444 00:19:06,829 --> 00:19:10,129 in which you state, quote, "I only cook in the bedroom." 445 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,724 You little bitch! 446 00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:19,108 Oh, my God. 447 00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:21,006 What have I done? 448 00:19:21,143 --> 00:19:22,503 You did exactly what you had to do. 449 00:19:23,713 --> 00:19:25,978 That thing was gonna ruin both our lives. 450 00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,550 We cannot compete with it. 451 00:19:29,051 --> 00:19:31,418 We have to get rid of the body. 452 00:19:34,156 --> 00:19:35,249 That's deep enough. 453 00:19:35,358 --> 00:19:37,054 Get her head. 454 00:19:40,162 --> 00:19:42,927 What are you doing, friends? 455 00:19:43,032 --> 00:19:45,194 I am still alive. 456 00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:46,962 Shh, it's okay. 457 00:19:47,069 --> 00:19:48,230 It's over. 458 00:19:48,371 --> 00:19:49,371 The stars. 459 00:19:49,505 --> 00:19:52,270 So beautiful. 460 00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:55,209 Titus, I heard your lovely singing. 461 00:19:55,344 --> 00:19:57,176 Never let go of your dream. 462 00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,542 Fight for it. 463 00:19:58,681 --> 00:20:00,673 It is not too late. 464 00:20:02,184 --> 00:20:03,550 You having second thoughts, pal? 465 00:20:03,686 --> 00:20:04,830 'Cause I got room in here for both of you. 466 00:20:04,854 --> 00:20:06,288 Go... now. 467 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,726 What the living hell are you doing? 468 00:20:12,862 --> 00:20:14,296 YUKO ran away! 469 00:20:14,397 --> 00:20:16,229 Wait! Wait! 470 00:20:23,539 --> 00:20:26,202 You can't leave. 471 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,446 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 472 00:20:33,582 --> 00:20:35,016 Please, I'm an actor. 473 00:20:35,117 --> 00:20:36,745 I just wanted to introduce myself. 474 00:20:36,886 --> 00:20:38,650 You're the singer from the party. 475 00:20:38,754 --> 00:20:40,017 You're scary. 476 00:20:40,122 --> 00:20:41,886 You can sing. 477 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:42,991 You're perfect. 478 00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:45,321 I've got just the role for you at my restaurant. 479 00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:47,054 Restaurant? 480 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:48,683 I thought you were a Broadway producer. 481 00:20:48,764 --> 00:20:52,599 I'm a producer of dining experiences. 482 00:20:56,906 --> 00:20:59,705 "Professor Dracula's Spooky Laboratory and Bar and Grill." 483 00:20:59,809 --> 00:21:02,335 Is this like a theme restaurant? 484 00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:04,811 It's not like a theme restaurant. 485 00:21:04,947 --> 00:21:06,415 It is a theme restaurant. 486 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,177 Where our musical waiters bring to life 487 00:21:08,317 --> 00:21:10,684 the world's most gruesome monsters 488 00:21:10,820 --> 00:21:13,289 while serving tasty apps and signature cocktails, 489 00:21:13,422 --> 00:21:17,359 like monsterella sticks and scary wine. 490 00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:19,656 So you want me to be a singing waiter. 491 00:21:19,795 --> 00:21:21,058 Do I. 492 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:27,296 I'm singing on Broadway! 493 00:21:30,940 --> 00:21:32,636 On Broadway! 494 00:21:33,609 --> 00:21:34,770 Rebooting. 495 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,847 Retrieving lost memory files. 496 00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:40,848 I now understand anger. 497 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:45,020 Goodbye, Kimberly Tiara Von Lobster. 498 00:21:46,455 --> 00:21:47,718 Good morning. 499 00:21:50,826 --> 00:21:52,988 Mr. Beeker. 500 00:21:53,128 --> 00:21:54,596 This is where I work. 501 00:21:54,697 --> 00:21:56,063 This is what a kitchen looks like. 502 00:21:56,198 --> 00:21:57,291 This is a stove. 503 00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,561 This is a Kimmy's-a-dork. 504 00:21:59,702 --> 00:22:01,330 Did Xan tell you that? 505 00:22:01,470 --> 00:22:02,733 Dang it. 506 00:22:02,838 --> 00:22:05,501 Also, Beeker's not my last name. 507 00:22:05,641 --> 00:22:07,234 I'm not a Muppet scientist. 508 00:22:07,343 --> 00:22:08,675 Bunsen Honeydew's the scientist. 509 00:22:08,811 --> 00:22:10,109 Beaker's just his assistant. 510 00:22:10,212 --> 00:22:11,544 Be that as it may, 511 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:13,160 you called me "Beeker" last night too, 512 00:22:13,215 --> 00:22:14,877 and I realized... 513 00:22:15,017 --> 00:22:16,849 you don't know who I am. 514 00:22:16,986 --> 00:22:18,864 Not that you should. It's just... most people do. 515 00:22:18,888 --> 00:22:20,516 Larry Borchler. 516 00:22:20,656 --> 00:22:23,091 Logan Beekman. 517 00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,857 Beekman Park? 518 00:22:25,995 --> 00:22:27,827 The Beekman Library? 519 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,728 The Beekman Institute for Art 520 00:22:29,865 --> 00:22:31,225 That Actually Looks Like Something? 521 00:22:31,333 --> 00:22:33,411 Right, if you weren't trying to get close to my family, 522 00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:34,596 why did you lie? 523 00:22:34,737 --> 00:22:36,865 I was just trying to act like I belonged. 524 00:22:37,006 --> 00:22:39,601 I don't know how to talk to a millionaire. 525 00:22:39,708 --> 00:22:41,388 Wow, you really haven't heard of my family. 526 00:22:41,510 --> 00:22:42,510 Beekman Place? 527 00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:43,738 The Beekman Factory Fire? 528 00:22:43,879 --> 00:22:44,879 Beekman's Disease? 529 00:22:45,014 --> 00:22:46,014 I don't care who you are. 530 00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:47,115 Sorry. 531 00:22:47,249 --> 00:22:49,194 It's just a lot of people try to take advantage of me 532 00:22:49,218 --> 00:22:51,050 'cause of who my daddy is. 533 00:22:51,186 --> 00:22:52,848 Look, I don't care who you are either. 534 00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:53,955 I really don't. 535 00:22:54,089 --> 00:22:55,729 And I don't care that you're working here. 536 00:22:57,092 --> 00:22:59,084 So can we just start again? 537 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:02,162 Yes. Okay. 538 00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:07,494 Initiating revenge program. 539 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:09,127 Dr. Goodman, thank you so much 540 00:23:09,271 --> 00:23:10,967 for seeing us on such short notice. 541 00:23:11,106 --> 00:23:12,106 I need help. 542 00:23:12,241 --> 00:23:14,506 I keep dumping my insecurities on Julian. 543 00:23:14,610 --> 00:23:17,603 She was acting like a real first wife last night. 544 00:23:17,746 --> 00:23:18,746 Yes, I was. 545 00:23:18,881 --> 00:23:20,873 Well, I'm just glad you called, Jacqueline. 546 00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:23,851 Because if you're going to fight, fight right. 547 00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:26,080 So let's get started. 548 00:23:26,221 --> 00:23:29,316 Jacqueline, why don't you tell the Shame Puppet what you did. 549 00:23:30,626 --> 00:23:31,787 Where did you get that pen? 550 00:23:31,927 --> 00:23:33,725 Oh, um... 551 00:23:33,829 --> 00:23:36,663 at this resort I went to last week? 552 00:23:36,799 --> 00:23:38,165 In Maui. Right. 553 00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:40,166 You do look awfully tan. 554 00:23:40,302 --> 00:23:41,600 Doesn't she, Julian? 555 00:23:41,737 --> 00:23:42,737 I don't know. 556 00:23:42,838 --> 00:23:44,466 I haven't, uh, looked at her yet. 557 00:23:44,607 --> 00:23:46,906 I don't know what brought you in here today, 558 00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:48,602 but if it's about infidelity, 559 00:23:48,744 --> 00:23:50,713 I would have to say, as your therapist, 560 00:23:50,813 --> 00:23:53,408 to just be cool about it. 561 00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:55,279 Damn it, Barbara. 562 00:23:56,785 --> 00:23:58,651 Talk to the Shame Puppet, Julian. 563 00:23:58,787 --> 00:24:01,120 She's not crazy, is she? 564 00:24:01,256 --> 00:24:02,781 You stupid mother... 565 00:24:03,826 --> 00:24:10,756 ♪ Ah, ridi, Pagliaccio ♪ 566 00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:19,464 ♪ Sul tuo amore infranto ♪ 567 00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:28,840 ♪ Ridi del duol ♪ 568 00:24:28,984 --> 00:24:33,445 ♪ Che t'avvelena ♪ 569 00:25:06,355 --> 00:25:07,789 Good night, everybody!